Our house almost burned to the ground this past Wednesday.
As my wife and I were preparing for bed, we were unexpectedly startled by a loud, urgent knock at our front door. The dogs sleeping by the woodstove roared to life, and little jolts of adrenaline began trampolining off my adrenals.
I turned on the porch light and went to the front door and opened it to a gray haired man I’d never seen before. He was a little out of breath and his eyes were wide.
“Your chimney’s on fire,” were the first words out of his mouth. I stepped out onto the porch where I could look up onto the roof. Flames, five and six feet high were leaping into the air from the wooden chimney surround on the roof. My first thought upon taking in that image was, “Oh shit! The house is going to burn to the ground.” This was not a helpful thought. In response to it, my adrenals now sent bucket brigades of adrenaline all through my body. In the process it completely “closed down my thinker” (a process with an actual neurophysiological basis, it turns out).
Words still managed to come out of my mouth, however. They were the words of a helpless child about to go into a profound freeze response. “What should I do?” I managed to ask the stranger in front of me. “Call 911,” he said. “Do you have a hose?”
Encouraged to Mount a Triumphant Response
We probably have a half dozen hoses all around the property, all covered with bonnets though, to keep the pipes from freezing. I raced to the first hose nearest the front door. No water came out of the nozzle. I tried the hose on the other side of the house next. No luck there either. I could feel a sense of panic once again beginning to mount.
I paused and took two long exhales in an attempt to convince my brain all would be just fine, even if the house did burn to the ground. My wife was busy getting Bodhi, Archie, Emmy, Gracie and Olliebear to safety, and neither of us were in any real danger at this point.
I then walked rapidly around to the rear of the house to the hose bibb we’d been using to keep the dog’s water bowls filled. Success! Now I needed a ladder to get up on the roof. Off to the wood shed through the pitch black night to pick up the ladder I store there.
Triumphing by Rote
Up on the roof, I had to rely on memory to steer me clear of pipe vents and darkened skylights and other trip hazards. I got to the chimney, fully ablaze, the metal cap and protruding stove pipe glowing red. I opened the nozzle on the hose and to my surprise, this first dowsing substantially knocked down the flames. I sprayed even more intently now, aiming the hose at the places where the remaining flames were leaping highest. The Good Samaritan below had also managed to find a hose that worked, and now he too was throwing water up from the ground. Within three or four minutes, just as I could hear the firetruck horns turning onto our street, the fire pretty much came under control.
I continued to dowse every glowing ember my wife on the ground was pointing out to me until the first fireperson – a woman – made it up onto the roof. And then happily, I turned my hose over to her.
In spite of my own initial disorganization, with great help from a Good Samaritan and Social Neuroscience’s Golden Rule, I turned out to be the hero. I climbed up on the roof in the dark and didn’t fall through a skylight, and took “triumphant action.” I had the fire knocked down before the first fire engine got onto our road. All that was left for the fire crew to do was the mop up. Just before they left around midnight, I put one dog (Bodhi) on a leash and he and I went for a 20 minute trot to clear the glucocorticoids out of my system as much as I could. It seems to have worked. I managed to get some sleep, and the next morning I awoke fully ready to get on with the business of repairs.
The Golden Rule to the Rescue
What was interesting to me about the whole episode (later, the next day) was how my brain shut down almost completely when the passing motorist knocked on our door and announced that our chimney was on fire. I looked up at the roof and saw flames shooting into the sky and immediately had this image of the house burning to the ground, which made my body freeze and cognitive processes majorly disconnect. I had to ask the Good Samaritan for direction. His “more organized brain” (it wasn’t his house in peril of burning to the ground) simply gave direct instruction. Asking that question brought my own cognition partially back on line and I then went to work deliberately and methodically. I made my way around to the house, searching until I found a hose that worked, took baby steps across the roof to insure I didn’t stumble over a gas or plumbing vent, and then started hosing down the flames. As soon as the first spray from the hose actually worked to kill the flames, I could feel my stress levels drop. With that observation and the sound of the fire trucks approaching, it was clear: the house was NOT going to burn to the ground.
Big out-breath – a community that included my wife rescuing the animals, firemen and women, a Good Samaritan and a social neuroscientist with increasingly organized brains all firing action potentials in concert, had worked together to save the day! We were all heroes.
Mark,
I’m so glad this story had an ending that left you all unharmed.
Best Wishes,
Kathy
Thanks, Kathy. All the charred remains haven’t cleared out of our night dreams quite yet. It will probably take getting a new flue installed and a new roof put on to take care of the nighttime integration piece. ~ Mark
Wow, Mark – that’s quite a story and I’m so glad you are all safe and your house is still there! Is that picture YOUR chimney on fire? Did you have the presence of mind to take it? Good luck with getting the whole thing cleared out and safe again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
XOXO,
Megan
Ditto on the “wow” – how great that Amy, your infamous amygdala, got partnered by the Good Samaritan on cue so she’s not to blame for too much damage. Can we jaded adults invent an imaginary friend, like children do, to show up and be our ally when in need of a leveler? Or cultivate early inner resources from birth. I see amazing problem solving in the toddlers I work with in small RIE play groups. In conflicts, (perhaps over a toy), their adrenalin can get amped big time…you can almost see their hearts beating faster. Because the very present and observing primary attachment figures, aka parents, are learning to not fix, solve and soothe the players (unless there is more hurt than is self-manageable), resourceful self-reliance and creativity abound. The children judge for themselves when they need help…a very useful and self-affirming choice rather than knee-jerk learned helplessness.
As an aside, we just got our wood stove chimney cleaned after 7 years’ use…hoping to be using it another 7 up here in shangri-la Ojai!
Best holiday wishes to you, Mark –
Liz
Hi Liz,
Thanks for the thoughts. That development you’re describing sure would be the way to go in the best of all possible worlds. And I think many of the people who subscribe to this blog are actively working in that regards. Including … you! Blessings,
Mark
Keep that chimney clean! I do mine once when the year gets started, once at the holidays, and at least inspect it again in late Feb/March. I got some “hot learning” like you did, and the lesson never left me!
Mark, I am so thankful for the man who took action when he saw your chimmney on fire. Thank you for the teaching you have given me through sharing the experience you had. May you and your family be safe, happy and free. Blessings Linda
We need you down here and your pro coaching Mark…we do have aikido “masters” that won’t go away despite the powers that be wishing otherwise….
Mark and Muriel – so very grateful for all that happened to save you, your home and your family, persons and fursons, all. Thank Goodness.
Joy!
… ful
Thank you for sharing.I am in New England visting my mom who lives alone in house with what seems like hundreds of extension cords, plugs and rigged up electrical uses in a house 100 years old. No fire place but oh my.. her knitting sits on plugs and oh my. Fire is a constant fear.
I am glad you are safe. You are a rock to me with care Ellen
I can’t think of anything more challenging, Ellen, than witnessing people we love doing dangerous things and I’m guessing, refusing all offers/suggestions for help. This is one more place where having personal emotional regulation practices we can deliberately refer to becomes essential. XOXOX Mark
So glad it ended harmlessly. Blessings to you and your family Mark.
Mark, you were lucky for sure. If unnoticed you and co. could have lost your lives from fumes.
I noticed my brain stopping or freezing in my late 60s. Very scary. All was well until I had to make a decision then freeze brain appeared. Duh 🙄 fear, guilt and panic set in instantly. I had to change focus and relax and soon creatively came back.
Take care Mark xx
Patti Kizzar
Thanks, Patti. The work seems to continue “ceaselessly without end.” Blessings, Mark
[…] If these experiences and others that Kathleen identifies are regularly missing in our lives, the question becomes … why? My suspicion, based upon personal experience and extensive reading and study in neurobiology and the trauma literature, is these experiences aren’t showing up regularly as a result of impoverished or fragmented neural networks in our brain. And, most often those networks got that way as a consequence of unprocessed and integrated adult traumatic experiences, or early Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – early emotionally overwhelming experiences that our nervous system wasn’t sufficiently developed to be able to fully process, metabolize and integrate without help from The Golden Rule of Neuroscience. […]
[…] If these experiences and others that Kathleen identifies are regularly missing in our lives, the question becomes … why? My suspicion, based upon personal experience and extensive reading and study in neurobiology and the trauma literature, is these experiences aren’t showing up regularly as a result of impoverished or fragmented neural networks in our brain. And, most often those networks got that way as a consequence of unprocessed and integrated adult traumatic experiences, or early Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – early emotionally overwhelming experiences that our nervous system wasn’t sufficiently developed to be able to fully process, metabolize and integrate without help from The Golden Rule of Neuroscience. […]
[…] If these experiences and others that Kathleen identifies are regularly missing in our lives, the question becomes … why? My suspicion, based upon personal experience and extensive reading and study in neurobiology and the trauma literature, is these experiences aren’t showing up regularly as a result of impoverished or fragmented neural networks in our brain. And, most often those networks got that way as a consequence of unprocessed and integrated adult traumatic experiences, or early Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – early emotionally overwhelming experiences that our nervous system wasn’t sufficiently developed to be able to fully process, metabolize and integrate without help from The Golden Rule of Neuroscience. […]