The answer is – like many of the research findings in neuroscience – it depends. Some of what it depends on is how granular our training has been for choosing the best time, place, type, tone, sequence, and framing of questions and for deciding what and how much information to share to obtain the most fruitful exchanges from our interactions.
Another thing it depends upon is how the questions we are asked and the questioner him or herself affects our threat-detection networks. Being asked a question by one of our children will most likely produce a different somatic response than being asked a question by a Homeland Security agent.
Why Question?
Most questions are asked to either obtain information or to orchestrate impression management (getting people to like us). The good news beyond that is that by asking questions, we naturally improve our emotional intelligence, which in turn makes us better questioners—a virtuous cycle.
When scientists began studying conversations at Harvard several years ago, they discovered this foundational insight: People don’t ask enough questions. In fact, among the most common complaints people make after having a conversation, such as an interview, a first date, or a work meeting, is “I wish [s/he] had asked me more questions” and “I can’t believe [s/he] didn’t ask me any questions.” Here are some reasons why we hold back:
We may be egocentric—eager to impress others with our own thoughts, stories, and ideas (and not even think to ask questions). Perhaps we are apathetic—we don’t care enough to ask, or we anticipate being bored by the answers we’d hear. We may be overconfident in our own knowledge and think we already know the answers (which we sometimes do, but usually not). Or perhaps we worry that we’ll ask the wrong question and be viewed as rude or incompetent. But the biggest inhibitor is that most people just don’t understand how beneficial good questioning can be. If they did, they would end far fewer sentences with a period—and more with a question mark.
In addition to asking questions, Alison Wood Brooks a Harvard Business School professor – in her talk “How to Talk Gooder in Business and Life” – offers some additional suggestions for how to make conversations enjoyable and productive, i.e. activate the reward circuitry in yours and your partner’s brain.
Plan ahead of time to talk about 2 to 3 specific topics.
Give yourself permission to switch topics frequently.
Ask followup questions.
Avoid “Boomerasking”.
Boomer-what-ing?
What is Boomerasking? I know you want to ask me, so I’ll go ahead and answer. Boomerasking is self-centeredly asking questions of people as a means of momentarily letting someone else have the floor so that you can then immediately boomerang the conversation back to you and continue to talk about what you and your oh-so-amazing ideas and life experiences. I’m sure we’ve all been in conversations with people who operate in this manner. You might be upset about an interaction with a work colleague and go looking for a willing ear to vent to. Visibly upset, you go to an office mate who asks you what’s wrong? You tell them about your upsetting exchange and they immediately begin recounting a series of upsetting interactions with the same person or even other people.
Or, you’re on a Zoom call about a topic that’s of great interest to you. Frequently, someone on the call will ask a question and as soon as an answer is given, they’ll be off on a tangent that may or may not be related to the topic of the call.
The Courage to Question
I have a suspicion that the easy ability to ask sincere questions is connected to how well each of us has developed our Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind is a developmental stage where sufficient neural network connectivity is present that allows us to recognize that other people may have different thoughts, wants and needs than we do, and by and large, that’s all right. When we have developed strong awareness of how Theory of Mind operates in ourselves and others, and we can find ourselves genuinely surprised by some things people say or do, that’s a natural experience that could make us curious. It might lead us to ask questions. The challenge will be, as it often is in social interactions, to ask those questions in ways that do not trigger defensiveness. Ahh, now THERE’s a practice worth taking up!
The Flowering Brain 
A subject close to my heart. I think we are a society of people who are starving to be heard because our questioning and listening skills are not used much. Lots of people don’t know how to listen. You have written some great books about it. When someone is going on and on, I usually use my question asking skills to engage the conversation. But after some time, it gets tedious if others don’t share that space with more generosity and interest. My closest friends are those who know how to turn the tables on my listening, and ask me to come forward too, in ways that allow me to feel safe. I think the lack of question asking in the culture is creating more loneliness. Also: it is often in a conversation that I realize something important about myself, just as it is leaving my mouth.