I have this discussion a lot. Usually it’s with people who have little or no understanding of how the brain works. I contend that in every moment each of us is doing the very best we can as a consequence of the way our neural networks are operating at any given point in time. Much of that operation is automatic and unconscious. But that does not mean we can’t learn, train and practice being and doing better in the very next moment in time. It’s called “response flexibility,” and we can each learn and work to expand it through awareness and dedicated practice.
My Son Was the Columbine Killer
A really powerful talk by Sue Klebold, the mother of Dylan, one of the very first school shooters at Columbine High School in Colorado, back in 1999. Not only did that tragedy affect the families of the kids who were wounded and killed, but it traumatically impacted lives of the shooters immediate and extended families, and continues to to this day. I applaud this mother’s courage in coming forward and sharing the truth of her own profoundly painful struggle.
It took me a long time to fully accept that I might have some damage to my brain. Nothing anyone would notice, like from a stroke or a tumor. More like the ways in which I saw other people’s brains easily operating that mine didn’t. For example, they could remain truly calm in the midst of my emotional reactivity. They could make creative cognitive leaps that I struggled with. They could effortlessly keep their desks well-organized, be on time for appointments, manage their diets – all things I struggle with. Well, the good news is: it’s not my fault. I’m simply prefrontally-challenged. The bad news is: I have a LOT more work to do on myself than those people do.
American Life Is Traumatizing Americans
Just to be clear, I’m not a fan of gross generalizations. Nevertheless, in this article media lab director and “Ranked Thinker,” Umair Haque makes a credible case that the way a great number of we Americans currently live our lives is truly traumatizing us. The only question really up for debate is how many of us are being traumatized and to what degree. One takeaway from Umair’s argument: you can assess your own degree of trauma pretty much by the disquieting feelings of self-protection you walk through each day feeling.
How Unprocessed Grief Can Inhibit Business Success
In this episode of the TV show, The Profit, we see how the death of two young children has caused a couple to pour their energy into their business, to some degree of success. Since my perspective is “healing’s always trying to happen,” I’m not surprised when the death of these children surfaces as a key obstacle for the business going forward.
Thanks for this, Mark! I’m all about expanding my response flexibility! And I tried to read the article you recommended from Umair Haque, but the link just took me to his Thinker page. Would you post it here?
Mark,
I love the article on how American Life Is Traumatizing Americans. It’s such an important point. And great to be reminded that it is not just me that’s being traumatized-)) Thanks for directing us to it.
Kind regards,
Kathy
Hi Kathy, I’ve actually been making small inquiries into the possibility of suing the Legislative and Executive branches in the US for these and other violations of our constitutional rights. The people I’m talking to don’t think I’m all that off the wall! 😉 Best, Mark
On Sun, Feb 17, 2019 at 8:42 AM The Flowering Brain wrote:
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I am prefrontally challenged too! I was diagnosed at age 49 with the inattentive form of ADD and I am forced every day to reckon with the challenges it poses. I was extremely grateful to get the diagnosis because it explained so many of the difficulties I had throughout my life. I was not a complete and total failure after all!
Like everyone who has ADD and a basic understanding of it, I expend a great deal of energy just to do tasks that neurotypical people take for granted. I’m glad I understand this. But it doesn’t change the fact that neurotypical people can not understand it, and they’re the ones that run the show in American and Western society. I’ve come to believe that people simply can’t understand what they haven’t experienced themselves. What do you think about this?
Thanks – Miriam
Thanks for your posts- I have often thought that “they’re doing the best they can” was kind of a cop-out (including for myself), but am coming to see the truth in it. I wonder what you think of EFT as a tool to help us make a forward leap into being better able to respond or weather life’s stressors and challenges. One reason I ask is that today I got notice of the Tapping Sumt with Nick Ortner, and an interview with Dr. Hyman– it is their contention that EFT can help rewire the brain by tapping out the emotional components of what keeps us stuck in old responses in our nervous sytem. thank you. MB