I volunteer for our island zen hospice, Enso House, to pick up and deliver their recycling to the local center. One Saturday while I’m at the recycling center flattening boxes in front of the cardboard bin, I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“That is the greatest HAT!” a young woman says to me. As I turn around, she’s beaming. I smile back.
“Would you like one?” I ask her.
“Yes. Where can I get one?”
“Come with me,” I lead her over to my truck and take one hat out in black and one in white and hand them to her (I keep a supply for just such occasions!).
“OMG. These are SO GREAT.” She beams. “I’m a physics professor at Monterrey College. These are PERFECT to wear to class.” She literally skips away as I finish the recycling.
Good Day Sunshine
I’m feeling light and joyful as I begin backing out of the parking lot. Altruism circuits are blazing glory. At the same time as I’m leaving a Chinese woman in a new Chevy is backing out as well. In my buoyant, happy mood, I smile and wave her to go ahead of me.
At the exit we’re both turning left, against the traffic. When the road is clear she starts across. I glance briefly left and then step on the gas, only to discover the woman in front of me has stopped her car FOR NO REASON!
I slam on the brakes, narrowly miss rear-ending her, and feel a HUGE rush of adrenaline flood my body. Almost immediately, of it’s own volition, a discursive thought comes careening through my mind: “F**king Asian drivers!” So, much for my peaceful, joyous, delightful morning.
And then I realize – there it is: State Driving Story.
State Drives Story
In perfect Polyvagal unfolding, my neurophysiology makes sh*t up in the moment almost totally outside of my control. Only now, with this realization, I burst out laughing.
I’ve caught my Inner Makeup Artist in the act, since the reality is … I’m perfectly fine. There was a brief moment of real danger, but my brake foot took care of it, and it passed in an instant. But my brain and body were reacting as if it hadn’t. They’re more than a little bit lagging in coming back to the safe, present moment in which there is now absolutely no danger whatsoever. So that’s one way brain and body try to kill us – the slow metabolism of stress hormones compromises our immediate ability to tend to the present moment, especially after an actual threatening incident.
But, in THIS moment, everything is all right.
The Enemy
Catching my Storycrafter in the act and laughing was all it took to restore me to my previous happy, connected, and now forgiving internal state. It’s easy to feel forgiving when your threat-detection circuitry is no longer defending itself against what Non-Violent Communicator Marshall Rosenberg called Enemy Images and imaginary dangers. It’s almost impossible to feel that way however, when stress hormones and threat-detection neurotransmitters are dropping me repeatedly into self-protection mode. That is a recipe for winning a Darwin Award.
So, that’s my recent Polyvagal Story and I’m sticking to it. Be on the lookout for your own to share. They are legion and make their way into our lives more times in a day than most of us realize or care to admit. I daresay, once you start paying close attention to the many times the binary “connect or protect” choices surface in any day, you’ll be astonished. And many of them can unwittingly result in “near-death” experiences.
And if you’re one of a handful of bold souls interested in taking a personal deep dive into The Science of Social Safety (Polyvagal Theory), simply click HERE. It’s completely safe and you’re under no obligation.
Mark,
I had catastrophic trauma at the age of 3. So much so I could not talk for a year. I was examined by Steven Porges several years ago as the poster child for his polyvagal theory. Speech, heart and gut problems from the event. I’m now 65 years old. The last 60 of my years have been a search to regain “social engagement” with myself, other people and Source. I am at much greater peace now and want to promote helping others in regaining connectivity.
Thanks for what you do to promote this in your blogs.
I’m glad to hear your account and how much things have improved. And that you’re able to help others. It seems to be the natural outgrow of a healed, integrated nervous system. Best, Mark
What a coincidence.
This night I had the weirdest dream.
And I don’t have many.
I was driving and seemed to have missed a turn; I don’t know if I didn’t steer well enough or if the road was slippery.
I was heading for this electricity post. In a flash I thought it is was better to steer further to pass it and turn back on the road.
So I did.
But.
The road was build on a cliff. And the cliff was artificially made with concrete blocks, not straight down but steep enough.
So by bypassing the post, I ended up mostly on top of this side part.
I immediately tried to gear up back on top, but I couldn’t; it was too steep.
My reaction was: “Shit!” [this is it]
I was heading for this big rock formation down; a straight stone wall.
Again I tried to steer to the right to bypass it, hoping at least I would survive.
But since I was falling, my wheel wasn’t in command anymore.
The next and only thing I thought was: “I can’t die for Juno [my daughter]!”
Then I just letted go, preparing for the impact.
[What come may come]
And so I suddenly woke up, surprised it was but a dream.
It felt so real…
So my polyvagal and priorities seem in order.
🙂